and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
