you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
