If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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