i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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