Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
