I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
