i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
