when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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