I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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