i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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