my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize