pedialite and red bull = repair kit
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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