Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
