the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
