this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
