I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
