so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
