You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
