Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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