yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
