I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
