i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
