My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
