The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
