If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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