How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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