Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
