Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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