2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
