My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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