I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
