I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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