im drinking this country out of the recession.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
