if i can run in heels then i can drive
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
