What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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