I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
