Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
