My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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