Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
