I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
