Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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