He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
