i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You're a waste of cheezeits
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Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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