in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
