I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
