you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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