i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love having hate sex.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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