It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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