Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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