Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Terrible idea I love it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
