Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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