why didn't you poke me back
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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