if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
