Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
