I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
