Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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