My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
