I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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