I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
