hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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