Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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