i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
