well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
