I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize