glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
