Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
