If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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