This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
