Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
