Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
