Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
